5 Ways to Find Your Community After Graduation
College towns are some of the funnest places to live. Many of them are built like extensions of the school itself, offering walkable neighborhoods, fun nightlife options, and an overall youthful vibe. However, these towns can feel a lot like college in some other, less exciting ways, too. Maybe you feel like you can’t quite find your people, or that you can’t quite break into the groups that you want to be part of.
You know – cliquey.
Finding and keeping friends in adulthood can be frustratingly daunting. And if you’re anything like me, the thought can get your mind racing into soggy places –This used to be so easy! Have I lost my cool? Am I uninteresting, or worse… cringe?
But don’t fret. It’s not as complicated as you think. In fact, once you get the hang of it, it can yield some of the most rewarding connections you’ll ever have.
Here are five ways to find your community in a college town/after you graduate.
In This Article
1. Find a Local Hub and Be a Regular
There’s always a place (or a few) where the locals go to just hang. I’m not talking about a popular restaurant or retail spot. I’m talking about a bowling alley that’s always surprisingly busy on Wednesday nights. Or a coffee shop that you’ve noticed opens early on weekends to host some kind of reading/writing group. Perhaps it’s a bar that posts flyers all over town, announcing a new themed event every month.
These are great places to find passionate regulars, and passionate regulars are, for the most part, excited to share what they’re passionate about. That’s why they’re there in the first place.
So, if you like bowling, go to that Wednesday night bowling alley and see what’s up. If you’re a creative writer, try asking the barista at that coffee shop what that early morning gathering is on the weekend and if anyone can join. If you’re a wild card and are down for pretty much anything, attend the next themed party at that bar. The trick is to be consistent. Consistency is the key to building a community, big or small.
2. Support Your Local Creative and Culinary Scene
Shopping at your local restaurants, stationery stores, bookshops and bars is a given. That’s just good for the community. Finding your community means digging a little deeper.
There is bound to be a few local bands. Go watch them play. Don’t know of any off the top of your head? Look them up. Don’t know how to start? Visit your local music shop or record store and ask. Maybe there’s a writer’s group in town that hosts poetry events. Attend one, or two, or ten! Is there a gallery around? They probably host a local artist or two. Learn about them, find out when they’ll be showcasing their next batch of work and make an evening of it.
Be curious, people love to share their passions. If you don’t end up enjoying the band you saw, maybe you’ll make a friend with the record store owner who told you about the show. If you aren’t a writer, perhaps you can find another passionate reader with similar tastes in the poetry group you attended to support.
3. Drop CRINGE From Your Vocabulary
This one’s a little more philosophical, but it needs to be said: Fear of being ‘cringe’ is limiting you more than you could ever imagine.
Yes, sometimes college towns can be inherently cliquey. But that’s exactly why you have to stop worrying about pleasing everyone, or being embarrassing, or being viewed as too eager or excited.
I’m gonna type this as loudly and clearly as I can –There’s nothing wrong with being earnest!
Abandoning the thought of being seen as cringe opens you up to the possibility of being seen as a peer, a fellow fan, a like-minded creative, or an energetic attendee by the folks who could end up being your people! And pro tip, those who see your excitement about something as cringe are not your people. Your people will make you feel at home. Chase that feeling!
4. Embrace Your Niche Interests
It’s about time you embrace getting a little weird.
Yes, weird.
I use that word because of its often negative connotation, and also its underground resurgence in popularity.
Another word I might use is niche.
Specificity is the secret sauce to finding a strong and enthusiastic community. Do you brew your own beer out of your garage? Are you a blossoming taxidermist? Do you spend your weekends composing alternate soundtracks to famous movies? Are you a master at creating intricately detailed costumes based on characters from 90s anime TV shows? You’d be surprised how many people would love to talk for hours about that kind of stuff.
It’s hard to go out and start a conversation with, “I like music. Do you like music?” What kind of psycho doesn’t like music? But if you attend a local jazz night at an arcade-bar and ask somebody in a Bowie t-shirt, “I like ’90s electro-jazz. Have you ever heard of Jazzanova?” You have a way better chance of starting a great conversation.
The secret is getting niche.
5. Be Genuinely Curious
All of this is of no use if you don’t approach it with a hungry curiosity. In college, everyone around you was soaking up life and knowledge. It was a time of discovery. Don’t let that go just because you’ve graduated.
Let’s say you’re sitting across from somebody at a coffee shop, and you notice they have a beautifully designed planner and a really unique-looking pen. It’s piqued your interest because you also have a fondness for stationery.
Ask about it!
Most people wouldn’t act on that initial curiosity. Most people would let that small moment pass them by. Don’t be one of those people.
“Excuse me, where did you get that pen?” They probably have a lot to say about it, because it probably is a nice pen, and they probably spent a lot of time looking for just the right one. Wouldn’t you get excited if somebody asked you about that thing you were super passionate about?
And don’t let it end there. Be curious. Follow that thread of questioning. Don’t be afraid to look like you want to have a conversation. Like I said before, drop cringe from your vocab. Be earnest. Be curious. If you do that, and shop local, participate in community events, and embrace niche interests, you’ll find your community in no time at all. Heck, you’ll be the local that some newcomer approaches someday in the future, and you can grow the community even more.